It began with BROWN SUGAR, the kind of sweetness I thought could save me. I kept LEFT THE LIGHTS ON for people who had already left, believing love would return with PERFECT TIMING if I waited long enough. But waiting became DAMAGE, and soon my HEART LEARNED ABANDONMENT before it learned peace.
Then I met something TOO GOOD to dismiss: myself. By the time they realised YOU MISSED IT, I was already learning how to stay OPEN without giving myself away. I was only HALFWAY TO YOU when I discovered the BEST PART was not being chosen by someone else, but finally hearing myself say I CAN TELL when something no longer feels right.
That is when I LOVE ME became more than a song title. It became a decision. A return. A soft kind of pride. I started feeling 90’S FINE, not because life was perfect, but because I was becoming whole. I no longer needed to prove SHE AIN’T USED TO THIS; I was simply becoming the woman who deserved gentleness. Even the old FUMES FOR U. began to fade, replaced by the quiet power of knowing I would RATHER BE ALONE than lose myself again.
So I learned to CELEBRATE ME, even when my heart felt FOLDED. I accepted that I CAN’T GO BACK, even if they said HATE ME IF YOU WANT. I chose people who could LOVE ME WHEN IT’S HARD, and slowly, softly, MY NERVOUS SYSTEM IS REGULATED.
Now there is SOMETHING IN THE WATER. Something cleaner. Something honest. A baptism of becoming. I am writing a LETTER TO THE WOMAN I’M BECOMING...
South Africa