Becoming a Single Parent by Choice, with Troy Smith & Jennifer Anderson
Most of life’s major decisions come with centuries of accumulated wisdom. Think of any coming of age decision — picking a marriage partner, selecting a vocation, or making religious commitments— and you’ll never find the bottom of literary, philosophical, and spiritual discussion on it. Becoming a single parent by choice is not one of those decisions. The assisted reproductive technologies (ART) that make this choice possible have only been widely available since the late 20th century. Like many new technologies, ART open up a way to build a family that have never before been available before, and the intimate decision to use them to start a family of one’s own is relatively unexplored.This week on The Soloists, we sit down with Jennifer Anderson and Troy Smith—two Latter-day Saints who chose to become parents on their own. Jennifer is a strategic consultant with a five-year-old daughter. Troy is an economist and solo father to two boys. We talk about how they each approached this decision in the absence of clear cultural or spiritual scaffolding, what the process was like—physically, financially, and spiritually—and how life feels on the other side. “The fact that those options exist in the world today is a miracle for me,” Troy told us. “I felt that my heart would never, ever heal again,” Jennifer shared, “But my daughter healed my heart.”You can read more from Troy at singlefatherbychoice.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesoloists.substack.com
--------
1:11:17
--------
1:11:17
The Art of Friendship, with Adam Staveski & Jordan Hunter
In a world that tends to lionize romantic partnerships as life's ultimate destination, what if we've been quietly undervaluing one of our most sustaining relationships? This week, we talked with Adam Staveski and Jordan Hunter —two humans who have cracked the code on being genuinely excellent friends. Adam brings his delightfully systematic approach to friendship (yes, there's a spreadsheet involved, and no, it's not as clinical as it sounds), while Jordan shares wisdom on how to authentically connect with people. Both offer tips for building friendships during life stages that don’t allow it to happen naturally. One of the anchors of our conversation was Adam’s garden metaphor: some friends are tall trees (the ones who will weather all the storms of life with you), others are sturdy bushes (reliable but not requiring daily watering), some are delightful flowers (seasonal but highly appreciated), and others are just grass (pleasant part of the social backdrop). It sounds harsh until you realize it's actually liberating—not every relationship needs to be everything, and that's perfectly fine. Noticing these distinctions can help us move more intentionally through our relationships.We also dive into friendship breakups, the art of not taking things personally, how to cope with the inherent seasonality of friendships, including the hurt when someone gets a new romantic partner and disappears, and what it means to choose a relationship "for relationship's sake." This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesoloists.substack.com
--------
1:13:25
--------
1:13:25
Hookup Culture vs. Purity Culture, With Christine Emba
Today we’re sharing a conversation with Christine Emba, a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute and author of Rethinking Sex: A Provocation. Her book takes a hard look at the messiness of modern sexual culture—especially the way we’ve come to rely on this “hands off” ethic that says as long as something’s consensual, it’s fine. But what happens when consent isn’t enough for people to get the types of relationships they’re looking for?Mallory and Diana, meanwhile, can speak to the ups and downs of belonging to a religious culture that takes the opposite approach, where leaders emphasize the spiritual and relational stakes of sex and actively guiding decision-making. We talk with Christine about the trade-offs. What do we lose when we make sex entirely private and individual? What do we gain when it’s seen as something shaped by community? how do we discourage harmful behaviors without piling on shame? How do you take sex seriously without making everyone weird about it?Se also get into the gender question—like whether we should acknowledge that, on average, men and women want different things when it comes to sex. Should we be building cultural expectations around those differences? Or are gender norms the thing we need to keep trying break free from?We loved this conversation—and Christine gave us a lot to think about. Let us know what you think in the comments. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesoloists.substack.com
--------
1:07:19
--------
1:07:19
Public Success, Private Surrender - With Lindsey Stirling
Lindsey Stirling is famous for doing something no one has seen before — blending classical violin with high-octane choreography, viral-era savvy, and a fiercely original sense of style. She’s not just a performer, but a disciplined creative and strategic thinker who built a global career on her own terms.In this episode of The Soloists, Lindsey talks candidly about painful parts of her life that her public success hasn’t managed to alleviate — the hurt of others’ judgment, the heartbreak of betrayal, the constraints of gender expectations, and the quiet recalibrations that follow disappointment. Lindsey also shares how her faith has evolved in recent years, drawing wisdom from other traditions while remaining rooted in her Latter-day Saint identity. And she speaks with unexpected joy about aging: “I always thought my thirties would be the best time of life — but now I kind of think it might be my forties. I’ve worked through a lot. I’m clearer. I’m excited.” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesoloists.substack.com
--------
1:30:20
--------
1:30:20
Are men and women breaking up with each other? with Daniel Cox & Kelsey Eyre Hammond
Over the next couple of months, Mallory and Diana will be hosting conversations to explore shifting norms around dating and marriage in LDS culture, and this is a first dip into the question. This conversation is a bit bigger picture and less LDS-specific, though we start by talking about a change in the Church’s summer youth program, For the Strength of Youth (formerly called Especially For Youth) that brings it close to home: the young men and young women aren’t required to link arms anymore when they walk between classes! This change might not seem like a big deal, but the uncomfortable social ritual of linking arms may have had some overlooked benefits. It was the kind of gentle, safe, chaperoned push out of one’s social comfort zone that some researchers say young people are increasingly missing in their lives, leading to increased loneliness, mental health concerns, and suspicion of others. In this episode, researchers Daniel Cox and Kelsey Eyre Hammond joined Diana (Mallory was out of town) for a conversation about changes in young adults’ beliefs, behaviors, and relationships with one another. They discuss the phenomenon that some are calling “gender polarization,” which refers to young men and young women growing apart politically, religiously, and generally in what they want out of life. This is already leading many to give up on dating and hopes of partnership.After listening, we’d love to hear in the comments: do you think this change in the FSY/EFY program was a good thing? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesoloists.substack.com
South Africa