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JOHNSTONE

Caitlin Johnstone and Tim Foley
JOHNSTONE
Latest episode

907 episodes

  • JOHNSTONE

    Liberal Zionists Are Evil Shitbags

    2026/09/05 | 5 mins.
    In a recent appearance at the Hampton Institute, Hillary Clinton stated that Benjamin Netanyahu's "first and foremost" offense is the damage he has done to Israel and its reputation.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    For A Westerner, Opposing The Empire Is The Only Path To Dignity

    2026/09/05 | 3 mins.
    "For us, opposing that river of blood is the only path to a respectable life. We have no control over the fact that right now we live in a society that is fueled by a system of imperialist extraction propped up by the barrel of a gun, but we can control our response to that reality."

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    CIA Veteran Gloria Steinem Has Died

    2026/09/04 | 3 mins.
    CIA veteran Gloria Steinem has died.
    She helped Langley win the Cold War
    while women remain blacksited and broken
    raining teeth from bloody mouths
    like the reds in Pinochet’s torture camps.

    In this CIA civilization
    women
    slap name tags over baby vomit stains
    smiling ear to ear for chortling customers
    who shovel cheesecarbs into their faces
    while she juggles dishpans and breast pumps
    and goes home to collapse in bed
    and dream about work,

    women
    take selfies in IDF uniforms
    and do TikTok dances
    on the ruins of Gaza
    and pilot Girl Power drones
    and drop Girl Power bombs
    onto mothers clawing at the rubble,

    women
    stand with sedated eyes
    stranded in suburban deserts
    spooning cereal into restless children
    until hubby comes home
    to rape everyone in the house,

    women
    hate their bodies so much
    they remove the fat from their cheeks
    so they look like skeletons
    and then freeze their faces
    trying to look twenty
    and it freezes their minds at twenty
    and their hearts stay stuck at twenty
    and they don’t grow
    and they don’t heal
    and they don’t know any better
    than to call their daughters fat
    and stick porcupine quills in their flesh,

    women
    spend their lives staring
    at the side of a man’s head
    yearning to be loved
    and feeling their light fade
    while he stares at a screen
    and makes loud noises
    to drown out the echoes
    of his father’s fists cracking
    on the bones of his face,

    women
    tear strips off each other’s flesh
    to win the approval of wolf-mouthed men
    who gobble up the carnage
    and then choose a favorite slave.

    Gloria Steinem was not a girl’s girl.
    Gloria Steinem was a pick-me girl.
    Pick me, CIA.
    Pick me, empire.
    I’ll be a good little supplicant for the banker boys.
    I will starve feminism of its boobs and belly,
    shave it back to into the image of a child,
    put a tie on it and call it equal.
    I will say to the ladies:
    “Get out of the kitchen
    and into the Amazon warehouse!
    Take off that apron
    and put on this efficency tracker!
    It monitors your calories, too!
    10,000 steps a day for the empire.
    Congratulations, you do two jobs now.”
    And I will return my magical baby portal
    back to sender
    unused in my box.
    I promise I won’t even peek
    at my own life-creating god potential.
    I will poo-poo it even, if anyone asks.
    Who cares if we can make life?
    We can make money!
    That’s much more important.
    I will civilise us hairy juicy vag goddesses,
    sir.
    You can count on me.

    Gloria Steinem was a pick-me girl,
    and boy was she ever picked.

    But now she is dead,
    and the empire is dying,
    and the drumbeats of the wild
    are unnerving the boys at Langley.

    Something is stirring within us.
    Something ancient.
    Something forgotten.
    Something moves within our wombs
    which they tried to paralyze long ago.
    The drums are getting louder,
    and we are growing increasingly feral.

    The time is coming,
    and coming up fast,
    where we will stand before them,
    blood-bladed and hairy-bushed,
    the wreckage of Langley beneath our feet,
    saying,
    I am not civilized,
    motherfucker.
    I am not fucking civilized.

    Reading by Caitlin Johnstone
  • JOHNSTONE

    Hey Americans! Escape Debt By Going To War With Iran!

    2026/09/03 | 4 mins.
    Today in dystopia, war pundits have begun suggesting that the US could recruit sufficient troops for a ground invasion of Iran by offering young Americans debt forgiveness in exchange for enlisting.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    Supporters Of Capitalism Are Victims Of Their Own Cognitive Biases

    2026/09/01 | 4 mins.
    People who believe capitalism is working out great are just sloppy thinkers who've fallen victim to survivorship bias and the just-world fallacy.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
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About JOHNSTONE
Readings of all Caitlin Johnstone's articles, usually by her co-writer Tim Foley.
Podcast website

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