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JOHNSTONE

Caitlin Johnstone and Tim Foley
JOHNSTONE
Latest episode

765 episodes

  • JOHNSTONE

    We Are The Villains In This Story

    2026/03/11 | 3 mins.
    "You grew up wanting so bad to be Luke Skywalker, but you realize that you were basically a Stormtrooper.”
    ~ Daniel Crimmins
  • JOHNSTONE

    Opposing "Both Sides" In This War Is Crazy Imperialist Nonsense, And Other Notes

    2026/03/11 | 6 mins.
    Don't lean out the window of the Empire of Perpetual Bloodlust to wag your finger at empire-targeted countries in the global south. It's obnoxious.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    Watching Amazon Prime While The Iranians Burn

    2026/03/09 | 2 mins.
    Watching Amazon Prime while the Iranians burn.
    Stuffing our mouths with cheesysugarbacon
    while the sky turns black over Tehran.
    Laughing without smiling.
    Laughing with full mouths and empty eyes
    while their water mixes with oil and blood.

    "Hoho this will hurt Trump in the midterms"
    the liberal chortles,
    masturbating furiously
    while ruined parents pull ruined schoolbags
    out of ruined schools.
    Frolicking on lawns with hamburgers in both fists
    doing patchouli tai chi
    in clothes made by slaves
    as black rain waters gardens
    of severed limbs and blown-out eyeballs.

    This is our culture.
    This is our religion.
    Praying to Pornhub while children scream,
    telling ourselves it will all be worth it
    when Iranian women can do OnlyFans
    to pay for boob jobs and butt lifts
    and go to Capitalist Heaven when they die.
    Jizzing Taco Bells and bail bonds firms
    all over the global south,
    our bellies full of the flesh of children,
    our veins full of plastic
    and our mouths full of Lexapro,
    dancing at the ballroom covered in blood and brains,
    gyrating to AI-generated music
    cranked up to maximum volume
    to hide the sounds of the explosions
    and the gasps of our dying souls.

    Oh I'm sorry,
    am I bumming you out?
    Have a hamburger and a Xanax.
    Everything's fine.
    This is all normal.
    Let's pick the bits of skull and teeth from our hair
    and go party.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    It Is Not Okay For Grown Adults To Believe Infantile Fairy Tales About Iran

    2026/03/08 | 2 mins.
    It's not okay for grown adults to believe the United States wages wars to promote humanitarian interests and bring freedom and democracy to oppressed populations.

    It's not okay for grown adults to believe that US soldiers fight and die to protect their country and its citizens.

    It's not okay for grown adults to believe US military interventionism in the middle east has anything to do with women's rights or making life better for women.

    Reading by Tim Foley.
  • JOHNSTONE

    The US Soldiers Killed In This War Were Not Heroes, And Other Notes

    2026/03/07 | 7 mins.
    Those soldiers did not die for any noble reason. They died for money, for power, and for Israel. They wasted their lives, and they died for stupid, unworthy reasons. Don't let anyone claim otherwise.

    Reading by Tim Foley.

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About JOHNSTONE

Readings of all Caitlin Johnstone's articles, usually by her co-writer Tim Foley.
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