My Rejection Story

Why does book rejection feel so personal—so final? Why does a book rejection letter have the power to stall a project for years, even when the idea still matters? And how do some authors seem to land book deals—sometimes before the book is even written—while others stay stuck in endless rejection cycles?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Allison Lane, founder of Allison Lane Literary, a former PR executive turned book strategist who has helped every one of her clients land an agent and secure a book publishing deal. Together, they unpack what rejection in the publishing world actually means—and why it’s rarely about your worth, talent, or intelligence.
Allison reframes rejection as a strategic signal, not a dead end. Drawing from decades in PR, brand strategy, and publishing, she explains why most aspiring authors misunderstand how the industry works, why writing the full book too early can actually hurt your chances, and how to become “book rejection proof” by thinking like a business—not a hopeful artist waiting for approval.
Throughout the conversation, Alice and Allison explore how childhood rejection, shame, and trauma shape creative ambition, why nonfiction books are sold on proposal (not passion), and how authors can learn how to get a book deal with no money, without an agent, or before writing the book—if they understand the real rules of the game.
In this episode, they explore:
Why book publishing rejection is usually a signal—not a verdict

What a book rejection letter is actually telling you (and what it’s not)

How to deal with rejection when writing books without losing momentum

How to get a book deal without an agent—and when an agent actually matters

How to get a book deal with a publisher by pitching the idea, not the manuscript

Why nonfiction authors should learn how to get a book deal before writing the book

How to get a book publishing deal by widening—not narrowing—your audience

Why “being good” isn’t what sells books, and what does

How authors with small platforms still land major deals (including lessons from Allison Lane books and clients)

Rather than romanticizing rejection or offering empty encouragement, this episode gives listeners a clear-eyed look at the publishing ecosystem—where books are products, authors are brands, and rejection is part of the filtering process, not a personal failure.
If you’ve ever asked yourself how do you get a book deal? or how can I get a book deal without burning years on the wrong strategy? this conversation will fundamentally change how you approach publishing—and rejection itself.
Connect with Allison Lane:
Website: https://lanelit.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisonlanelit/

Chapters
00:00 Rejection as Redirection—and Why Publishing “No’s” Aren’t Dead Ends
03:30 Saying Yes Early: Why Idealism Can Quietly Stall Creative Careers
08:45 What PR Teaches You About Pitching—and Why Most Book Pitches Fail
13:30 ADHD, Trauma, and Why Rejection Cuts Deeper for Some Creators
18:00 Shame, Silence, and the Stories We’re Afraid to Write
23:00 Why Some People Grow After Trauma—and Others Get Stuck
27:30 Imposter Syndrome, Ambition, and the Fear of Being Left Behind
32:00 Standing Out Without Credentials: How Alison Learned to Be Unignorable
37:00 Why Writing the Full Book First Is a Mistake in Nonfiction
41:00 How Publishers Actually Decide Which Books to Buy
46:00 The Myth of “Too Niche” vs. the Reality of Audience Expansion
51:00 Why Books Don’t Sell Because They’re Good—and What Actually Makes Them Sell
56:00 Becoming the Marketer of Your Own Book (Without Doing Everything)
01:00:30 Building a Platform Before the Book—and Why Timing Matters
01:02:00 Final Thoughts: Becoming Book-Rejection-Proof and Taking Action

What does it actually mean when someone cuts off their family — and why does family estrangement provoke such intense reactions from the outside world?
In this short solo episode, Alice uses the recent public fallout involving Brooklyn Beckham, David Beckham, and Victoria Beckham as a cultural moment to explore family rejection and estrangement, one of the most misunderstood — and stigmatized — forms of rejection.
Rather than speculating about who is right or wrong in the Beckham situation, Alice explains why public stories about family conflict are almost always incomplete. She unpacks why family estrangement in adulthood can be both a necessary act of self-protection and an emotionally devastating loss — and why outsiders often rush to assign blame when an adult child cuts contact with their parents.
Drawing directly from Psychology Today research, this episode breaks down what family estrangement actually is, why adult children most often initiate it, and why it’s frequently confused with family alienation or scapegoating. Alice also explores why family estrangement stories — especially high-profile ones like the Brooklyn Beckham situation — trigger such strong emotional reactions, moral judgments, and assumptions about loyalty.
In this episode, Alice explains:
What family estrangement really means, based on psychological research

Why estrangement usually unfolds slowly over years, not suddenly or impulsively

The most common reasons adult children experience family rejection, including emotional abuse, neglect, and clashes of values

The difference between family estrangement and family alienation — and why black-and-white thinking can signal unresolved harm rather than clarity

Why family estrangement carries so much stigma, shame, and social judgment

What research shows about how long family estrangement typically lasts, and why reconciliation isn’t always possible — or healthy

Why people are so uncomfortable with the idea that someone might need distance from their family to protect their mental health

Alice also addresses why public speculation about the Brooklyn Beckham feud — including assumptions about control, loyalty, and marriage — reflects broader cultural discomfort with family estrangement and rejection trauma, rather than any real understanding of what happens behind closed doors.
This episode is not about celebrity gossip.
It’s about family estrangement, rejection, boundaries, and the psychological toll of being misunderstood when the people who are supposed to love you become unsafe.
If you’ve ever struggled to understand why someone would estrange themselves from their family — or if you’ve lived through family rejection and felt judged, dismissed, or forced to justify your decision — this episode offers clarity without blame.

Resources mentioned:
Psychology Today — Family Estrangement (Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/family-dynamics/family-estrangement
Fern Schumer Chapman, What Research Tells Us About Family Estrangement (2024)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202402/statistics-that-tell-the-story-of-family-estrangement
Calling Home podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/calling-home-with-whitney-goodman-lmft/id1706820976

Chapters:
00:00 Why the Brooklyn Beckham Story Triggered Such a Strong Reaction
02:00 Why We Don’t Actually Know What’s Happening Inside That Family
04:00 What Family Estrangement Is — and What It Isn’t
06:00 Why Adult Children Cut Off Parents
08:00 Estrangement vs. Alienation: Complexity vs. Black-and-White Thinking
10:30 Why Family Estrangement Is So Stigmatized
13:00 How Long Estrangement Lasts — and Whether Reconciliation Is Possible
15:00 Final Thoughts: Why Family Rejection Is One of the Hardest Losses to Explain

Why does rejection feel so threatening—sometimes even more destabilizing than physical danger? Why does losing approval, status, or belonging shake our confidence so deeply? And why does the fear of rejection seem impossible to fully “heal” or outgrow?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Jeremy Sherman, an evolution and social science researcher who studies the origins of life, human behavior, and what he calls the “black market of confidence.” Together, they explore rejection not as a psychological flaw—but as a survival mechanism rooted deep in human evolution.
Jeremy challenges the idea that rejection hurts simply because of brain wiring or trauma. Instead, he reframes rejection as a threat to confidence itself—something humans have always needed to stay alive, belong to groups, and navigate danger. With language, imagination, and social comparison layered on top of biology, humans became uniquely vulnerable to rejection in ways no other species is.
Throughout the conversation, Alice and Jeremy unpack why confidence operates like a scarce resource, why humans quietly compete for affirmation while pretending they don’t need it, and why attempts to “solve” rejection often miss the point entirely.
In this episode, they explore:
Why fear of rejection didn’t evolve for happiness—but for survival
How humans operate in a constant “black market” of confidence and affirmation
Why language and imagination make rejection more destabilizing for humans than animals
The evolutionary trade-off between visibility, status, and danger
Why confidence feels abundant until it disappears—and why we panic when it does
Why there may be no permanent cure for fear of rejection, only ways to live with it more honestly
Rather than offering tidy solutions, this episode invites listeners to sit with paradox: the need for confidence, the inevitability of rejection, and the freedom that comes from recognizing that this tension is part of being human—not evidence that something is wrong with you.
If you’ve ever wondered why rejection feels existential, why confidence feels fragile, or why approval seems to matter more than logic says it should, this conversation will leave you thinking—and possibly relieved that the struggle isn’t personal.

Connect with Jeremy:

TRYING BEINGS Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjH_fBN6aQQ0uw5324tSrcg?view_as=subscriber
Instagram: instagram.com/jeremyshermanphd/?hl=en
Chapters
00:00 Why Rejection Feels Like a Survival Threat
02:00 Introducing Jeremy Sherman and a New Way to Think About Rejection
06:00 Confidence as a Scarce Resource—and a Black Market
11:00 Language, Imagination, and Why Humans Fear Rejection So Deeply
18:00 Why Confidence Feels Stable—Until It Disappears
26:00 The Evolutionary Trade-Off Between Visibility and Safety
34:00 Why There Is No Permanent Cure for Fear of Rejection
43:00 Aging, Status Loss, and the Fear of Becoming Invisible
52:00 Purpose, Community, and What Happens When Roles End
01:02:00 Final Thoughts: Living With Rejection, Not Solving It

In this episode, ADHD thought leader, author, and host of the Tracy Otsuka podcast joins Alice for a conversation about identity, rejection, and the quiet conditioning that teaches so many women to shrink. Drawing from her own story and the research behind learned helplessness psychology, Tracy explains why women with ADHD are especially vulnerable to internalizing criticism — and how those early messages of “you’re too much,” “you’re not enough,” “you’re disorganized,” shape a lifetime of self-doubt.
Tracy breaks down the learned helplessness meaning in practical terms: the moment you stop trying because every attempt has been shut down. She shares learned helplessness examples from childhood socialization, school environments, and relationships where girls are punished for intuition, sensitivity, and non-linear thinking. And she clarifies the difference between weaponized incompetence vs learned helplessness — one is manipulation, the other is survival.
She also explains the neuroscience behind why ADHD brains shut down during rejection, why emotional flooding sends the prefrontal cortex offline, and how that creates a cycle of avoidance, fear, and stalled decision-making. Tracy and Alice explore the overlap between learned helplessness and depression, how masking becomes a default for ADHD women, and why regaining a sense of agency begins with identity, not productivity hacks.
This conversation is for anyone who’s ever felt stuck, ashamed, or convinced they “can’t trust their brain.” For anyone wondering how to explain the concept of learned helplessness to themselves or others, or why learned helplessness ADHD patterns can be reversed with intention, identity work, and small acts of self-trust. Tracy reminds us that the opposite of helplessness isn’t perfection — it’s action, built one decision at a time.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re living someone else’s version of your life, or if you want to understand why ADHD women struggle despite being intuitive, brilliant, and highly capable, this episode is a must-listen. Tracy’s work — through her coaching, her Tracy Otsuka book, and her learned helplessness podcast conversations — offers a blueprint for reclaiming your agency and building an identity rooted in who you truly are.
Resources & Links:
Tracy’s book: ADHD for Smart Ass Women

Tracy’s podcast: ADHD for Smart Ass Women
Website & Programs: ADHDforSmartWomen.com

Chapters
00:00 The Double Standard: Why Women With ADHD Carry More Shame
03:40 Intuition, Sensitivity, and Reading the Room
04:35 What Rejection Does to an ADHD Brain
06:51 Socialization, Masking, and the Roots of Learned Helplessness
07:26 Learned Helplessness Meaning: When Self-Preservation Becomes Avoidance
09:15 The Gendered Misdiagnosis of ADHD & Emotional Flooding
12:18 Action, Dopamine, and Why Interest Drives Everything
13:49 Trauma, Identity, and Reversing Learned Helplessness
15:40 Finding Your Area of Interest & Building Positive Emotion
18:07 How Tracy Wrote Her Book Using Fun, Challenge, and Social Accountability
21:33 Intention, Identity, and Becoming Someone You Trust
24:59 The Opposite of Helplessness: Pride, Purpose, and Dopamine

In this powerful mini replay, positive psychology practitioner and author Jodi Wellman joins Alice for a conversation about mortality, motivation, and the brave work of actually living our lives instead of waiting for the perfect moment. Jodi — known for her viral TED Talk, her book You Only Die Once, and her work at Four Thousand Mondays — explains why death is a great motivator, and why many of us need the uncomfortable truth of our finiteness to finally stop procrastinating the things that matter most.
Jodi shares how her mother’s early death shaped her philosophy, and why the reminder you are dying isn’t morbid — it’s honest. She breaks down the psychological insight behind death as motivation, the research that shows we act more boldly when we acknowledge our limits, and why “there’s no greater motivator than death” when we’re stuck in fear.
From reloading a stapler in a corporate job she knew she’d outgrown, to making the leap into coaching, to leaving a successful business partnership to build 4000 Mondays, Jodi explains how we can recognize the moment when procrastination turns into self-betrayal — and how to reclaim our agency before regret piles up.
This episode is for anyone who keeps waiting to feel confident, ready, or “better” before making a move; for anyone asking is death a good motivator? or wondering why fear feels louder than desire. Jodi’s answer is simple: motivation rarely arrives. We create it by acting.
If you’ve ever needed a reminder that your Mondays are ticking down, that your dreams won’t wait, or that you only die once, this conversation will wake you up in the best possible way.
Resources & Links
Book: You Only Die Once https://www.amazon.com/You-Only-Die-Once-Regrets/dp/0316574279

Website: https://fourthousandmondays.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fourthousandmondays/?hl=en
TED Talk: Jodi Wellman on how facing death helps us live, https://www.ted.com/embed/jodi_wellman_how_death_can_bring_you_back_to_life

Chapters
00:00 The Wake-Up Call: Losing Her Mother Early
01:29 Fear, Procrastination, and the Self-Talk That Finally Works
02:40 Why Positive Psychology Still Needs a Little Pain
03:53 Denying Death, Compromised Inner Lives
04:33 Playing Small to Avoid Rejection
06:40 The Stapler Moment: Staying Too Long in Work That Drains You
08:58 Why Confidence Never Arrives First
10:11 Studying Memento Mori & Starting Four Thousand Mondays
11:25 The Moment She Committed to Leaving Corporate
12:20 Choosing the Thesis That Changed Everything
13:08 Community, Courage, and Feeling More Alive
14:33 Rejection in Real Time: The TV Project She’s Avoiding
16:59 Eating Rejection for Breakfast
18:04 Why the Sweaty Rejections Matter Most
19:54 Alice’s Big Audacious Rejection Goal
20:46 Where to Find Jodi & What to Read First