My Rejection Story

Why does ADHD make rejection feel like physical pain in your chest? Why can a sharp comment, a missed look, or a workplace layoff trigger something that feels far older and deeper than the moment at hand?
Alice is joined by Jesse J. Anderson — ADHD advocate, bestselling author of Extra Focus, and the guy who spent decades feeling like he didn't fit until his wife noticed his symptoms matched his best friend's ADHD diagnosis. Together they unpack rejection sensitive dysphoria and the wired differently, not broken reframe.
Jesse's reframe: RSD isn't oversensitivity, it's an old wound re-injured — tied to the estimated 12,000 negative messages ADHD kids hear before twelve, the shame backpack you haul into adulthood. The strategy that finally let him separate feeling from reality was embarrassingly small: Russell Barkley's micro-pause, hand over the mouth, just enough breathing room to ask the logical question that disarms RSD — "does it make sense that this person would betray me right now?" A tender, practical reframe — and the half-second pause that lets you take the steering wheel back.They also dig into why ADHDers gravitate together — interrupting and tangents as unmasked connection, not rudeness — and why sharing robs shame of power.
In this episode they explore:
Wired differently, not broken: the reframe after a late ADHD diagnosis
How itchy t-shirt tags and hyperfocus often signal undiagnosed ADHD
ADHDers gravitating together — unmasked connection for the first time
The shame backpack: childhood criticisms that calcify into adult RSD
RSD as physical pain and betrayal — an old wound re-injured
Russell Barkley's micro-pause to take the steering wheel back
Why small strategies that feel silly are the ones that work
Layoff as rejection plus confidence drain — sharing robs shame of power
The shame blanket that suffocates, and what happens when you release it
Gamifying rejection as exposure therapy: UltraSpeaking, improv, standup
Non-engagement as rejection as data
Audience dictates the punchline: the comedian's notebook approach
Out of sight, out of mind — build tools: WavePal for ADHD brains

Connect with Jesse J. Anderson:
Website & Newsletter: extrafocus.com
Book: Extra Focus: The Quick Start Guide to Adult ADHD Socials: @ADHDJesse (across all platforms)
YouTube: ADHD Jesse
App in development: wavepal.app

Chapters:
00:00 Wired Differently, Not Broken: A Late ADHD Diagnosis
03:51 Why ADHDers Gravitate Together and Unmasked Connection Feels Like Home
06:01 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Defined
07:03 The 12,000 Negative Messages and the Shame Backpack
12:28 RSD as Physical Pain and Betrayal — An Old Wound, Re-Injured
18:21 The Hardest Part: Catching It in the Moment
19:59 Russell Barkley's Micro-Pause — Hand Over the Mouth
25:12 Layoff as Rejection and Confidence Drain
30:26 The Shame Blanket Suffocates — Release It
33:31 Permission to Be Open: Where Vulnerability Started
36:44 Gamifying Rejection as Exposure Therapy
37:57 UltraSpeaking and the Improv-Style Drills
46:07 Why Non-Engagement Feels Like Rejection — Rejection as Data
47:58 Audience Dictates the Punchline: From Inhibition to Action
49:15 WavePal: Out of Sight, Out of Mind — Build Tools

What if the worst rejection isn’t the one someone gives you — it’s the one you give yourself?
Alice is joined by Jude Sack — magician since age four, Yale cognitive neuroscience grad, and the guy who flewacross the country to ambush YouTuber David Dobrik in an airport with a magictrick and a job pitch. The video went viral. But what makes Jude fascinating isn’t the stunt — it’s the philosophy underneath: he’d rather be rejected than ghosted, every single time.
Jude’s reframe: rejection is a moment of contact. Self-rejection is just silence. He unpacks the three secondsbefore any big ask, why social pain lights up the same brain regions as physical pain, and how his rejection therapy dating experiment — asking one girl a week for her number for a year — taught him how to deal with rejection from a girl without spiraling.
Jude argues that designing asks people “can’t ghost” is one of the most underrated moves available. He digsinto why most rejection challenges fail, why the 100 days rejection challenge made Jia Jiang rejection proof but isn’t the only way in, and why vulnerability is the new creativity.
Whether you’ve watched every rejection therapy compilation on YouTube or you’re on rejection therapy day 1, this is a practical, neuroscience-backed reframe of what rejections in life are actually for.
In this episode they explore:
•      The three-second brain block — and why everything getseasier once you start talking
•      Why being ghosted is worse than being rejected — andhow to design asks people can’t ghost
•      The neuroscience of social pain — rejection as exposuretherapy, and the Advil study that says more than you think
•      “Rejection Night” with friends — a rejection challengebuilt on high fives, rock-paper-scissors, and small absurd asks that rewire your nervous system
•      Vulnerability as the creative move when almost no oneelse is being vulnerable
•      Jude’s year-long rejection therapy dating experiment —and what it taught him about how to deal with rejection from a girl
•      Why Jia Jiang’s 100 day rejection challenge made him Rejection Proof — and the lower-stakes version you can start tomorrow
•      The regret-minimization framework — and the rejectionJude is still scared of
 
Connect with Jude Sack:
LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/jude-sack-a30826132/⁠
Instagram: ⁠@judesack⁠
TikTok: ⁠@jude.sack⁠

Chapters:
00:00  Meet Jude — the Yale-grad magician whoambushed David Dobrik
05:24  The 30 seconds before the ask: clammy hands,calculations, going for it
10:29  Magic in Central Park at age five: trainingthe rejection muscle
12:00  “I hate dating apps” — a year of rejectiontherapy dating, one girl a week
13:22  Hand-delivering his resume to MrBeast andlanding the job
14:27  Rejected vs. ghosted: why one is so muchworse
17:21  Vulnerability is the new creativity
19:30  Rejection Night: a rejection challenge withhigh fives, rock-paper-scissors, and a bar wheelbarrow
22:40  The neuroscience of social pain — rejectionexposure therapy and the Advil hack
26:00  The Zoe Chance assignment: try to getrejected — it’s harder than you think
27:53  Why your friends, your mom, and yourcommunity matter more than you think
33:43  What’s actually stopping you from making your“David Dobrik” ask
35:47  The IDEO story — getting told off, gettingheartbroken, getting clarity
38:14  The regret-minimization framework
39:04  Rejection therapy day 1: a small, rejectablemove to try this week
40:45  The rejection Jude is still scared of
44:01  Increasing the surface area for luck

Why does one rejection have the power to override dozens of wins? Why does your brain cling to the time you were told you're not good enough — and quietly use that story to limit what you try next?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Dr. MH Pelletier (neuropsychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan) to explore why rejection is so hard, why resilience is not a personality trait you either have or don't, and how a strategic, research-backed approach can help you build resilience to rejection — no matter where you're starting from.
MH's central reframe: resilience is not something you're born with — it's something you build. She introduces the supply-demand framework to expose the gap between what life asks of you and the energy you actually have. Most of us underestimate our demands and overestimate our supply, and that gap is where burnout and rejection sensitivity take root. Closing it is how you turn rejection into resilience.
Is rejection normal? Absolutely — and MH argues that expecting it, even preparing for it in advance, is one of the most underrated strategies available. She unpacks why we internalize rejection as proof of unworthiness rather than data, why a modest pessimistic streak can actually serve ambitious people, and why the antidote to feeling too sensitive to rejection is never a thicker skin — it's smarter preparation and a more honest read of the system you're operating in.
Together, Alice and MH explore how values, community, exposure, and self-compassion build a foundation where rejection and resilience can coexist — where a no stops being a verdict on who you are and starts being information you can use.
In this episode they explore:
The supply-demand framework and reading your resilience reserves accurately
Why resilience is not a personality trait — what the research says
How to build resilience to rejection through exposure, community, and preparation
Is rejection normal? Why expecting it changes your experience of it
Why we personalize rejection — and how to zoom out to the bigger system
Values as an anchor when rejection threatens your identity
Self-compassion as a neurological tool: why "it makes sense" calms the brain

Connect with MH Pelletier:
Website: https://drmarie-helene.com/ 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmhpelletier/ 
Book: *The Resilience Plan* — available anywhere books are sold; support your local bookstore first!

Chapters:01:06 Introduction and the Supply-Demand Framework03:00 How to Get Better Data on Your Resilience Reserves04:41 Using a Project Manager Mindset to Assess Demands07:47 Why Past Data Isn't Always Reliable — Context Changes Everything08:58 MH's Background: From Psychology to The Resilience Plan11:37 Is Resilience a Personality Trait? What the Research Says14:33 Can We Cultivate Optimism?17:23 Pessimism as an Asset — and How to Work With It18:07 Preparing for Rejection Before It Arrives20:39 Optimistic Realism: Striking the Balance22:15 Rejection as a System, Not a Personal Verdict24:39 Chaos, Context, and the Stories That Help Us Persist26:45 Dopamine, Purpose, and Building Other Sources of Meaning29:16 The Power of Community and Exposure to Rejection30:24 Alice's 100 Rejection Challenge — and Why It Worked33:11 Values, Purpose, and Why You Have to Revisit Them36:53 Grounding Across Different Spheres of Life38:18 Should Your Values Cover All Areas of Life?40:42 Supply, Demand, and the Hidden Cost of Disconnection41:35 MH's Own Story: Moving Provinces and Rebuilding Community43:49 Self-Compassion: Why "It Makes Sense" Changes Everything44:18 The Friend Test — Shifting Perspective on Your Own Rejection45:13 Where to Start When It All Feels Too Nebulous47:12 Letting Your Brain Incubate Before Forcing Clarity47:53 Where to Find MH and The Resilience Plan

What does it cost a child to grow up knowing who they are might be enough to lose their family? And when family rejection is the backdrop of your adolescence, how do you learn to trust that romantic love is even possible?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Kenny Ethan Jones — British activist, model, author, and the first trans man to front a period campaign — to explore transgender family rejection, trans family rejection trauma, and what it actually takes to start dating as a trans man when the statistics are stacked against you.
Kenny came out to his mother at eleven, without the language to name it. Her response was immediate: I think we should talk to a doctor. That support became his anchor against the family rejection he faced elsewhere — his father, a Caribbean man raised in Jamaica, took years of breadcrumbing and boundary-holding before he came around, just before his death from cancer. Kenny speaks candidly about how rejection by family members shapes a child, and what it means to build yourself without a blueprint.
The conversation turns to dating while transitioning and the realities of online dating as a trans man — including the 87.5% of people who say they would not date a trans person. Kenny shares the practical vetting framework he uses before disclosing: reading dating profiles for queer-coded signals, sharing news articles as a values test, and trusting instincts when something feels off. He also addresses PTSD from romantic rejection, being treated as an experiment, and why not settling starts with self-trust.
In this episode they explore:
How family rejection trauma shapes identity and mental health in trans youth
Kenny's mother's response versus his father's — and the years between rejection and acceptance
Advice for anyone whose family rejected them and needs to build support elsewhere
Dating apps as a trans man: Kenny's vetting framework before coming out to a partner
Online dating rejection, and disclosure timing
Why self-trust is the foundation of dating as a trans guy
Connect with Kenny Ethan Jones
Instagram: @kennyethanjones, https://www.instagram.com/kennyethanjones
TikTok: @kennyethanjones
Book: Dear Cisgender People (2024) — available wherever books are sold

Chapters:
00:00 The Data on Transgender Family Rejection and Why Family Support Is Life-Saving
05:59 Growing Up Trans: Copying the Boys and the All-Girls School
10:28 Coming Out at Eleven Without the Language for It
13:54 Was Less Awareness Actually Less Pressure
15:08 Building Trans Identity Without a Blueprint
16:56 The First Romantic Rejection and What She Got Right
20:41 Dating as a Trans Man When 87.5% Say No
25:57 The Vetting Framework: Dating Apps, News Articles, and Red Flags
28:05 His Father, Trans Family Rejection, and Years of Baby Steps
32:53 Standing Your Ground When a Parent Won't Accept You
36:35 A Father-and-Son Moment Before It Was Too Late
37:50 Advice for Trans Youth Whose Families Are Not a Safe Place

Why does spending a lifetime wondering what is wrong with you feel more personal than a medical oversight — why does it feel like confirmation? And what happens when a diagnosis finally arrives in your forties and reframes everything you thought you knew about yourself?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Dari Crawford — fractional Director of Operations, Chief of Staff, and host of Distracted, Not Disqualified — to explore late-diagnosis ADHD, the exhausting weight of lifelong masking, and why ADHD and rejection sensitivity so often travel together.
Dari was diagnosed in early 2025, after a routine doctor's appointment where her daughter filled in the gaps she hadn't known to name. The news reframed decades of anxiety, depression, and relentless over-functioning. As a Black woman, Dari sat squarely in the demographic least likely to receive a diagnosis — Black women and women broadly are significantly underrepresented in ADHD identification. For Dari, inattentive ADHD rejection sensitivity never looked like distraction. It looked like 57 browser tabs open in her brain, every birthday in her calendar, every system in place — and total exhaustion underneath. ADHD rejection anxiety had been present since childhood bullying in junior high, compounded by a home environment where walking on eggshells was survival, and a community where there was simply no language for neurodivergence or mental health. What family called "bad nerves" was, in fact, the symptoms of ADHD rejection sensitivity playing out in real time.
Together, Alice and Dari unpack how ADHD and fear of rejection quietly drive people-pleasing, over-committing, and performing a version of yourself that other people will accept. They explore adult ADHD rejection sensitive dysphoria in friendships, in parenting, and in the workplace — and what it cost Dari to finally stop. In May 2025, she resigned from her job to do nothing: to nap, grieve her diagnosis, and learn how to deal with ADHD rejection sensitivity by first sitting still long enough to feel it. ADHD rejection avoidance had kept her performing for decades. Stopping was the most radical thing she had ever done.
In this episode they explore:
Why Black women are among the least diagnosed with ADHD and what that gap costs
How ADHD rejection dysphoria develops through childhood bullying and trauma
The masking-to-anxiety-to-depression pipeline and why it goes undetected
Rejection sensitive dysphoria and ADHD in friendships, parenting, and work
What grieving a late diagnosis actually looks like — and why it's worth it
Resigning from a job to choose yourself for the first time
This episode is for anyone who has spent a lifetime performing their way out of rejection. Your brain was never broken. It just needed the right language.
Connect with Dari Crawford
Podcast: Distracted, Not Disqualified — YouTube and all major podcast platforms: https://www.youtube.com/@DistractedNotDisqualified
LinkedIn: Dari Crawford, https://www.linkedin.com/in/daricrawford

Chapters
00:00 Why Black Women Are the Least Likely to Be Diagnosed with ADHD
03:20 Dari's Late Diagnosis and What Finally Led to the Appointment
07:10 Masking, High Functioning, and the Cost of Looking Like You Have It Together
11:45 Childhood Bullying and the Roots of ADHD Rejection Anxiety
16:00 Bad Nerves: When There Was No Language for Mental Health
19:30 EMDR, Childhood Trauma, and Starting to Release It
22:40 Carrying ADHD Into Adulthood Without Knowing It
26:00 Parenting With ADHD and Learning to Show Grace
31:20 People-Pleasing, Overcommitment, and Fear of Rejection
35:00 Losing Friendships When You Stop Performing
43:00 Resigning to Rest: Choosing Herself for the First Time
47:10 What Napping Taught Her About Safety and Her Own Brain
51:30 Grieving the Diagnosis — and Why She Would Do It All Again