Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:
I’m engaged and will be married in August 2026. My fiancé and I both have sexual pasts, but we have waited and are continuing to wait to have sex for the first time in marriage. This has been very difficult. My fiancé has gotten frustrated with my response when he is trying to be playfully sexy. I don't want to venture too far down that path as it has gotten us too close to sex in the past. However, he fears that if I'm not open to being playful now, I won't be in marriage either. Truthfully, I don't think I understand what kind of playfulness is appropriate in marriage, and I'm starting to feel pressure to live up to some fantasy when we get married.
I've been wrestling with one thing you said about gender and how only men can be priests. The context, from what I recall, was that only men can be priests because the priest is the groom, or is acting as Christ in the mass, who is the groom. That makes the congregation the bride. If women can't be priests because they are women, how can a man be a bride in the congregation?
Five years ago, my dad committed suicide. The experience left me in shock, and I still feel that shock today. At the time, I felt the need to be strong for my mom and sister, holding everything together. Now, I sense God is inviting me to revisit this wound and allow myself to grieve more deeply. However, I find it very difficult to access my emotions; I want to cry, but I can't. Recently, through learning more about TOB, I've found myself struggling to understand how to interpret what happened, especially in relation to the dignity of the body and suffering.

Theology of the Body and Art: The Way of Beauty Course
Course Schedule for other courses
Litanies of the Heart by Dr. Gerry Crete
Scripture For Your Inner Outcasts Podcast

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
Hi Christopher and Wendy, this is Matt. I wrote previously regarding a season of deep relational pain and sexual brokenness in our marriage. First, we have to share a miracle. The sacrifice you suggested—asking the global community to fast for our healing—brought a new wine of healing and self-giving love that seemed impossible. We're now in a golden hour of intense reconnection. However, as this fire wakes up, we've discovered deeper roots of lustful fantasies. We're committed to total transparency to avoid past secrecy, but we're struggling with the prudence of sharing. How do we navigate total transparency without that sharing becoming over-arousal or fueling the concupiscence we're trying to purify? We aren't sure how to face our desires without being taken by them.
My question is about something that I've been thinking about for a while. I'm thinking about transfiguration. If Jesus has always been part of the salvation plan, and always exists, was the true bodily reality of Jesus what the apostles saw that day at the transfiguration? It makes me wonder, did Jesus have a bodily nature before the incarnation and entering into history? How? Or did his complete and true nature begin at that moment in history? Am I understanding it wrong?
I'm in my 20s and about to get engaged to a wonderful man. We've been working through your Love and Responsibility series together, which has been a blessing. However, I struggle with vaginismus, mainly traced back to a traumatic experience at the doctor's office when I was 14. I'm starting physical therapy soon, but this is a major place of fear for my future marriage. How do we talk about this appropriately before marriage and work through it together? What advice would you have for us in dealing with this woundedness? How do I heal physically and spiritually to cultivate openness towards the Lord's love and my future spouse?

Theology of the Body and Art: The Way of Beauty Course
Course Schedule for other courses
Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd

Questions answered this episode:
I just wondered about Latin Masses in the Catholic Church. I live in the United States, and no one speaks Latin here, so I wondered what the draw is to go to Latin Masses. It feels like in Catholic circles those who go to Latin Masses are considered more Catholic. If God made our bodies and speaks to us through our bodies, shouldn't it be more helpful to go to a mass that we can understand using our sense of hearing? Or am I just not as far along in my faith life as those who appreciate Latin Mass?
My husband and I have been married for almost four years. We're both Catholic, but my husband doesn't think I look beautiful unless I wear tight, revealing clothes. We struggle a lot when he suggests I wear something with a lower neckline or that's skin tight. I'm not comfortable wearing stuff like that, but he feels that I'm not trying to be beautiful for him, even if I wear nice, slightly more modest clothes. How can I love my husband and not be hurt by his wanting me to wear more revealing clothes? And how can we find a middle ground here?
My wife and I were married outside the Catholic Church. For the past eight years, I've not practiced my faith. However, as of late, I have had a deep and real call back to the church. In some way, my wife was blindsided by this decision, and not thrilled. I've taken a step back from re-entering the church out of fear of conflict between my wife and me. This has made for some serious challenges in our marriage. Is it sinful for us to come together in our nuptial embrace outside of the church where I've found the truth to be? Is our marriage invalid for this same reason?

Resources:
TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026
Course Schedule for other courses
Pierced by Beauty: Encountering God In the Flesh Mexico Retreat
Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd
Good News About Sex & Marriage
Our Bodies Tells God's Story Book

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
While meditating on the crucifixion, I wondered why our Lord is not completely nude in art portraying it. My research pointed to reverence for Christ and preserving his dignity, reading that he "voluntarily accepted humiliation, but it need not be perpetuated." While this makes sense, I wonder how to look at this through a TOB lens. Why does it feel irreverent to depict Jesus nude, when other art depicting naked bodies, like in the Sistine Chapel, is praised for showing the beauty of the human body? Is it because of our fallen nature, or is there something more theological I'm missing? 
As a newlywed, my husband and I just celebrated our two-year wedding anniversary. Six months ago, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. My postpartum journey was difficult, and we are trying to navigate intimacy in this new stage of life. I especially struggle with a new anxiety, petrified that I will do something wrong and mess up my daughter. This has translated into me showing less attention to my husband. My brain does not seem wired towards the same level of intimacy as before. Also, our daughter's crib is right next to our bed. I am terrified she will wake up, see us in the marital embrace, and it will scare or scar her for life. Any advice?
I'm 25, serving full-time in college ministry. One thing I've been terribly afraid to address is when my dad had "the talk." Instead of discussing marriage, he simply said of masturbation, "It's normal and natural, just make sure to clean up after yourself." At 12, this left me with a view of my sexuality akin to pooping—just a natural thing you clean up after. Now, called to marriage, I see the beauty of the theory, but I frustratingly feel grossed out by the reality of the marital embrace. How can I partner with Christ in untwisting this in my heart?

Resources:
TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026
Course Schedule for other courses
Slovakia & Slovenia Event
Event Schedule

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

---

Submit you question here!

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
I hope you can help connect the dots with something stirring in my heart. In your Marian mystery course, you discussed when the Bible mentions Jerusalem, it's ultimately a reference to Mary, and how a woman opening herself to conception participates in Mary's Fiat. Since then, I've suffered eight miscarriages. On Palm Sunday, hearing Jesus was entering Jerusalem, I felt intense pain. Given the Jerusalem-Mary connection, I thought of my children whose innocent bodies faced death in my womb, reflecting on Mary holding her innocent Son's body. Are these connections appropriate? If Jerusalem represents Mary, why did Jesus enter there to die? How do we connect this to the hope of resurrected life?
I've recently come across a couple conservative Protestant guys, one a pastor, arguing in favor of polygamy—specifically, polygyny. It got me thinking about why we no longer practice this. They're not arguing to make it standard, but rather to allow it as one of three moral options for some people, alongside celibacy or traditional monogamous marriage. One argument they made is that God never changes. Since saints in the Old Testament practiced this, they argue it is not intrinsically sinful like homosexuality. I realize polygamy can lend itself to a lot of abuse. But, could there be situations where it could be a legitimate God honoring option? If not, why not and is polygamy sinful?
I'm a 31-year-old single woman. Is it sinful to wonder what it would be like to be a man? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a woman. However, it's easy to get frustrated dealing with a monthly period, pain, and PMS. Half of each month feels thrown out of whack, and sometimes I think it would be easier to be a man. I don't want to change my body or gender; I just get frustrated. A friend said these difficulties make us stronger—is she onto something? I pray thanking God for how I was made, but I don't feel all that thankful. Do you have advice?

Resources:
Slovakia & Slovenia Event
Mike Mangione, director of events contact: events@tobinstitute.org
TOB I Course: Head & Heart Immersion - Summer of 2026

---

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

---

Submit you question here!

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠